Holding Back

As I’ve stated before, I’m really good at starting and I’m really bad at finishing. Being aware of this flaw has put me in a position to make a change. The place/time I plan to do this is during the October Challenge.

I have to admit the so far it’s not been easy. I have this incredible urge to explode. You see, the deal is I want to write. Not only is this a goal, it currently is a driving sense of urgency that I’ve had to consciously hold my self back. That’s not easy.

The ideas are gushing out of me. Thoughts are oozing from my grey matter. I want to fill my notebook with the written word. But I must hold back this demon, the monster I have failed to defeat in the past. I can’t allow myself to become consumed with writing.

That is the crux of my problem. I become consumed with things. I want to devour as much as I can. I gorge myself on the feast of the new, to the point that I eventually become overwhelmed and then crave the next new thing.

Not this time. I see the beast lurking around the corner, waiting to spring out at me when I’m weak. I am aware of my desire to consume my time with writing and nothing else. Not this time.

This time I’m holding back. I’m taking notes but not expounding. I’m being intentional but not addicted. I’m pacing myself by stopping when I’ve completed a new passage, leaving myself hungry for more.

And when that new dawn rises, I am ready to tame the beast once again. Repeating the process that has gotten me this far.